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Do you dream of finding a marriage that's passionate, attentive, and sweeps you off your feet?
A normal desire and abundantly achievable goal. However, even the most sensible people sometimes sabotage their relationships without even knowing the reason why.
LOVE THAT LASTS is a revolutionary work that helps couples around the world regain joy, maximum closeness, and intimacy, and bask in the journey of one of the most rewarding and profoundly satisfying relationships in life.
Ken and Tongela Smith presents a groundbreaking model of the five natural stages of marital relationships-the Wholehearted Amazing Love, Passion (Fire and Desire), Boredom, Disillusionment and Anger, Reconciliation and a guide for navigating through them toward lasting love.
The Smith are certified marriage and relationship coaches and catalytic communicators, with an infectious passion for empowering people to have a lovely, healthy relationships. They've spent their career helping couples transform their marriages through workshops, research, counseling and coaching sessions, and have decades of experience in their own relationship journey.
This book is for those on the brink of marital disaster; husbands and wives in a second marriage; people wanting to strengthen their happily married journey; lonely wives; browbeaten husbands; spouses in affairs; victims of relationships; engaged couples; divorcees in need of healing; and pastors or counselors looking for material that can save marriages. Creating a Love That Lasts provides a road map to the mysterious, challenging, and wondrous journey of wholehearted love in a way that familiarizes you with the relationship life cycle.
YOU WILL DISCOVER HOW TO:
How to revive romance and remove negativity from daily interactions to:
Achieve a common vision of your dream relationship.
Develop communication skills to resolve the power struggle that prevents greater intimacy.
Cultivate optimism instead of despair, close companionship instead of loneliness.
Revive the romance and increase the vibrancy laughter in your relationship.
LOVE THAT LAST is here to help you gain practical understanding, become the most connected couple you know, and keep your love strong for a lifetime.
DISCOVER THE STAGE OF LOVE YOU’RE IN
We’re sure that as you’ve read through Creating a Love That Lasts, you’ve identified with the various relationship phases. We’ve created a simple quiz to help you understand what phase you’re currently in. Knowing where you’re at can help you effectively communicate, allow for space, and fully experience the freedom and lessons that come with each phase.
Here’s how it works: using a scale of 1 to 10, rate how true each statement is for you. At the end of the quiz, you’ll score yourself, and we will help you inter- pret your score.
This is only a mini quiz to get you started. For a full assessment of where you are in your marriage and how to make the most of it, we urge you to take the assessment here.
▶ CONVERGE AND MERGE ◀
~This relationship makes me feel amazing; it’s like walking in sunshine and rainbows most of the time.
~The similarities and complementary nature of our interests, thoughts, and beliefs are quite as tonishing.
~Our connection is genuinely spiritual.
~It’s easy for us to talk for hours, only pausing to realize how fascinating we are together.
~We sleep close together, often keeping our arms around each other.
~We may have only been together for a short period, but I know that this is the perfect person for me.
~I like all the quirky habits, facial expressions, and unusual style of my partner. I could never imagine asking him/her to change a thing.
~When we’re apart, I wonder what he/she is doing. I long to hear about his/her day.
~We find joy and fun in the most mundane activities, whether it’s going to the grocery store, taking the car in for an oil change, or walking the dog.
▶ DISTRUST AND DENIAL ◀
~Some of the traits that I once found amusing or ex-
citing in my partner are becoming a little annoying.
~He/she is beginning to criticize me and compare me to other people. It’s very irritating, but if I’m honest, I sometimes do the same.
~The only time we sleep close together is if we are about to be intimate.
~There’s no more sexual magic; I only pretend that there is.
~Every day I notice annoying habits and aggravating flaws. Why didn’t I see them before?
~Am I failing at love once again? Will this work out?
~I’m tired of the arguments. A loving couple should not argue this much.
~I never had these issues with my family and friends. I miss the outings, activities, and friendships I enjoyed before this relationship.
~I desire the ease and effortless connection we used to have.
▶ DISILLUSIONMENT ◀
~Wow, I become more and more disappointed in my partner each time we interact. He/she is so different from the person I thought he/she was.
~Why do we argue about the same things over and over?
~I’m bored and bothered... PERIOD. My partner tells the same stories and jokes all the time. Please get some new material ASAP!
~I no longer feel I can share my real thoughts with my partner.
~We remain angry about things longer than we should. When we attempt to resolve our issues, it only leads to defensiveness.
~Our sex life sucks.
~I wish I had seen the visible troubling signs before we committed to one another.
~From now on, I want him to remain on his/her side of the bed and not touch me. ~I’m entirely turned off from him/her and do not need to reach to his/ her side of the bed.
~I chose the wrong person and am considering moving on.
~Why did I ever think we were in love? This is not loving.
▶ DECISION ◀
~We pretty much live separate lives, and that’s completely fine with me.
~Why did I ever choose this person over the other options I had?
~This relationship is absolutely exhausting.
~The problems we face far outweigh the benefits of us being together.
~I want my old life back and constantly fantasize about separating.
~I don’t want to go on like this. We’re at a cross- roads and it’s time to decide to go in one direction or another.
~The stress of the relationship is affecting my health. My skin is breaking out. My blood pressure is ele- vated. I’m tired most of the time from worrying.
~I don’t want to have to look at him/her anymore.
~I get more enjoyment from doing activities with friends and family than with my partner.
~It seems that our relationship is beyond repair. I can tell we’re getting closer to the end.
▶ CREATING A LOVE THAT LASTS ◀
~All is not lost. I believe there are things we can do
to repair this relationship and make it great.
~I’m willing to have difficult conversations with my partner if that’s what it takes. I’m eager to communicate differently.
~I feel like I can be myself with my partner.
~My spouse and I communicate and react differently to the same experience. It used to annoy me, but now I see the beauty and genius of our differences.
~I am developing a new appreciation and capacity for humility, care, compassion, and gratitude in this relationship.
~I’m comfortable sleeping with my partner or on my own.
~Although the intensity has changed, I am more in love with my spouse now than I ever have been.
~It’s nice to experience the wholeness of the relationship.
~Our sexual relationship is comfortable and enjoyable. There are times when it’s not fulfilling, but it’s nothing to worry about. It will be better next time.
~I sense that this relationship is helping me to become the best person I can be.
Note which areas contained the most 9s and 10s. This indicates the relational stage that you’re currently in. If you see an equal number of 9s and 10s in a couple of stages, it means that you are probably in transition.